That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
