Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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