I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My vagina just recognized that song.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
