I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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