I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
