So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
