yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
