my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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