I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
