theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Someone shit on the floor
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
