Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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