i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
