I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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