I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
