I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
