The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
