Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize