I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We are all done wearing pants today
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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