I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
