i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
