Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The air was thick with penises
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize