And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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