the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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