im about as happy as oj after his trial
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
there is glitter all over my balls
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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