I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
