I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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