i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
organizing the empties. That sober.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
