I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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