Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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