ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
