he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
