I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
