gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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