Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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