Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
