marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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