Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
