did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
