Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
