i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm at about main and main street
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
