so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
