There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
