either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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