Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
