Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
