That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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