the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
