so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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