i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
