can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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