i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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