I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
