i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
