I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
