she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
