he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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