Sober January is a disaster.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
