Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
