We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
