She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
