she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
