Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize