you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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