In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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