She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
