Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize