i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
