Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
